I have been praying a lot lately, things aren’t looking so good, a lot of things are piling one on top of the other. Just a week ago I was in such a peaceful place. I still am at peace but for a second there the intense worry came over me again. Everything was falling apart at the same time and my family had enough and their reply was “Come home!” not a question just “Come home!” I was struggling and I think sometimes or all the time we get in our own heads. It’s been this long if God hasn’t done anything now He won’t. Or your having a hard time because you weren’t suppose to be there in the first place, what you thought you heard was wrong. I trust God, with much and I can trust him with more, I trust how he speaks to me and how he allows me to receive it, I trust that if I pray and know my motives are to glorify God that my actions will be led by him, That he knows all sees all and has power over all, but in that moment as I cried over the situation and what I was doing to my family to be here I lost that trust (but just for a second). I took a deep breath and I refocused my focus not on me not on my family on God, I prayed and fasted from the 11th until the 19th I got up (sometimes just laid there) at 12AM every day/night, 12PM & 3PM and worshipped and talked with the Lord for an hour. Asking the Lord what did he want me to do. Did he want me to go back home, did he want me to stay here, would he sustain me here (As if he wasn’t already doing that), please Lord just talk to me. Now when I started the fasting I kept seeing the number 524, which was my address in my hometown and my dads birthday. So I was like Lord what is this number do you want me to go home? I kept seeing it over and over and over. I felt better after I ended the fast yesterday but I still keep seeing the number 524. I woke up this morning and took an hour walk near my apartment. I listened to a wonderful word by Christine Caine until the service dropped and then I just walked in silence and as I was heading back to my car the Lord said Thessalonians. I immediately smiled cause I knew exactly what he was talking about. I jumped in the car opened the bible app on my phone and went to 1 Thessalonians 5:24 “The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.” It renewed my spirit, not saying that I might not end up back home in a few weeks, but just being very content and complete in where God has put me right now. I don’t know how this will turn out, all I know is God is Good and I trust him to do whatever he is going to do and I will try my best not to get in the way of that. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. (Psalm 20:7) I have to trust where he has me and where he wants to take me, I have to trust that no matter what is going on around me he is still working even when the process is invisible.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s